Interview with Rosalyn and Veronica:

I pull up in front of Rosalyn Ebberly’s house for my long-anticipated interview with the SAHM I Am and @HOME For The Holidays antagonist that everyone loves to hate. Her Hibiscus, WA home is a 1950’s two-story, complete with topiary flanking the front entrance and a white picket fence enclosing the front yard. To my delight, parked next to me in the driveway, behind a sensible-looking taupe minivan, is a snazzy red Land Rover bearing Texas plates that read “VIM Viva.” Looks like maybe I’ll get a two-for-one interview!

I ring the doorbell and hear the sounds of a scuffle on the other side of the door. Children’s voices—“…MY turn!” “No, you—ooof! You answered the door last time!” “Mooo-ooom!” And then a sharp, impossible-to-mistake voice of a Mother. “Abigail, apologize to your brother immediately! There is NEVER a good reason to give anyone a wedgie! …I don’t care if he did answer the door last time. All of you, to your rooms, NOW!”

More scuffling. Then the door opens, and Rosalyn beckons me inside, her furtive glances showing that she is hoping I didn’t hear that little “door incident.”

She gives me a warm hug. “You’re in for a surprise,” she tells me. “Dear Veronica and Frank just showed up last night with all their kids. What a surprise!” Then she laughs—a rather nervous-sounding twitter. “That’s the Marcello family for you—spontaneous….to a fault.”

Rosalyn’s home looks like something out of House Beautiful. Veronica is sitting in the living room breast-feeding baby Stephenie. Rosalyn tosses her a scolding look and a baby blanket and motions for her to cover up. I assure her it’s no problem at all.

“How y’all doing, honey?” Veronica coos at me.

Rosalyn bustles back into the living room, pushing a Victorian tea cart loaded with tea, finger sandwiches, petit fours, and cheese and crackers. “Ronnie, dear, you promised to speak like a civilized person, remember?”

“Oh, come on. Just for the interview! The readers will be expecting it.”

She acquiesces with a slight growl. I arrange my recorder and notes, and grab a sandwich. Rosalyn informs me the entire array of refreshments are completely organic and made from scratch. I bite into the sandwich. Radishes layered with scallions and anchovy paste on dill whole wheat bread. It’s…interesting. The tea is quite good.

So let’s get on with the interview.

ME: (to Rosalyn) Okay, here’s the question readers across America are dying to ask. Are you REALLY like you’re portrayed in the books?

(Veronica is vigorously nodding her head. Rosalyn shoots her a dirty look.)

Rosalyn: (twittering) Of course not! Readers need to know that ALL characters in books heighten their personalities and exaggerate at least a little bit in order to help the story along. I’m no different.

ME: So, you’re really just a normal person like the rest of us? No obsessive fixations on perfection? No impossibly high standards for yourself or your family? No holier-than-thou moralizing?

Rosalyn: You mean, those things aren’t normal?

(Veronica bursts out laughing so loud, it startles Stephenie, who starts to cry.)

Rosalyn: You shouldn’t laugh, sister-dear. You, of fake Southern accents, who makes a hobby out of persecuting your big sister.

ME: True. I wouldn’t call either of you particularly “normal.” But my question is this: do you really like each other, or do you just tolerate each other?

Veronica: Bless your heart, we love each other like fleas love their dawgs. And that’s the truth.

Rosalyn: I don’t know. Sometimes, I think maybe she’s the flea and I’m the dog.

Veronica: Aw, honey, you don’t have to insult yourself none. You could scare the horns off a cow, but you ain’t no DAWG!

Rosalyn: You, however—

ME: Well now, let’s just move on, shall we? Rosalyn, what motivated you to participate in the two SAHM book projects?

Rosalyn: Of course. Please have another sandwich. (I shake my head.) I was thrilled to be part of the SAHM project because I’ve always wanted moms to be able to experience the lovely sense of community our SAHM I Am loop has. When we got a chance to bring that community to the written page, it was like a dream come true.

ME: How about you, Veronica?

Veronica: Shoot, I just wanted to jump in because I thought it was finer than frog’s hair to be a character in a real-live book! And so since I was sorta thinkin’ about stayin’ at home anyways, Frank and me figured it wouldn’t hurt none to nose our way in to the project, so to speak.

ME: Yes, I remember you “nosing in.” Nearly took over the story, if I recall correctly.

Veronica: (shrugging and switching Stephenie to the other side) If ya done it, it ain’t braggin’.

ME: The two of you spar quite a bit in the books. Did you do anything to prepare for these scenes?

Veronica: Other than wake up in the morning?

Rosalyn: Ronnie, dearest, you know we worked hard on those scenes! (she turns to me) We really do love each other very much. And we get along better in real life than how it was portrayed in the story.

Veronica: Well, I guess we did do some improvisation as a warm up.

Rosalyn: Readers really must remember that there is no possible way for any real person to be the way my character was in the book. I suppose, perhaps, Veronica wasn’t too far from plausibility, but I was definitely exaggerated!

ME: (not wanting to get the two of them started on that argument again) So what did you enjoy most about making the books?

Rosalyn: I thought it was really great how the books brought us all closer together. I would have never known the other SAHM girls like this if it hadn’t been for that.

Veronica: I just enjoyed getting to know all y’all period.

ME: I enjoyed getting to know you, too. Rosalyn, how does it feel to know that you’re on the list of peoples’ favorite SAHM characters?

Rosalyn: (laughing) I’m the one everyone loves to hate, huh?

ME: Yeah. Does that bother you?

Rosalyn: Well, it used to a little bit, to be honest. But I guess we all have those sort of people in our lives, and taking out the frustration on a fictional character is better than taking it out on a real person.

ME: Do you have a “Rosalyn” in your life, too?

Rosalyn: Sure! And no, I’m not saying who.

Veronica: Oh, come on, sis! You gotta fess up!

Rosalyn: Nope! I won’t do it. It’s someone that might see this interview, and I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings. But what doing the book taught me is that the “Rosalyns” of this world aren’t jerks for the sake of it. They’re people who have feelings, who hurt, and who feel joy, like all the rest of us. Being that person in the story gave me more patience and compassion for the person who plays that role in my life.

Veronica: Wow. I’m impressed, Ros, honey.

ME: Me, too.

Rosalyn: Well, before this interview turns into a sappy mush fest, aren’t you going to ask me about the kids?

ME: Yes, definitely. So what’s the truth about the Ebberly children? Are they really perfect, talented geniuses?

Rosalyn: Are you kidding? Definitely not! They’re totally normal kids. I mean, just last week Jefferson came home crying about a bad grade a school.

ME: Really? A real-life, honest to goodness bad grade?

Rosalyn: Yeah. He got a B on his science test. He was devastated, poor kid.

Veronica: Did you say “D” as in “Dumb as a post” or “B” as in “Bright perfectionist”?

Rosalyn: (sighing) “B” sweetie. As in Not An A.

ME: (trying not to roll my eyes) Oh dear. That really must have been hard for the little guy.

(Rosalyn suddenly bursts out giggling.)

Rosalyn: Come on, you two! Can’t you see I’m joking? Good grief! Of course he wouldn’t be devastated over a B.

ME: Okay, I admit it, you had me going there.

Veronica: Me too. Good one, Ros!

Rosalyn: It was a B-.

Veronica: Oh! Well, there ya go.

ME: Sure. What “normal” child wouldn’t be devastated by a B- on a science test? Hey, it’s almost time to wrap things up here. But I just wanted to tell you both how very special you are to me. Rosalyn, there truly would have been no SAHM I Am or @Home For The Holidays without you. And Veronica, there would have been no Rosalyn without you. You’ve both been a pleasure to write and work with.

Veronica: Aw, shucks!

Rosalyn: It’s been fun for us, too.

I return to my car with the rest of the radish-anchovy paste sandwiches and petit fours. And a folder full of recipes and lots of advice about how to create a more organized schedule. Apparently, my reputation had preceded me.