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Writing Mom-lit? Here’s a How-To For You!
Chick-lit, lad-lit, mom-lit, hen-lit, bride-lit…sounds like a line from a Dr. Seuss book to me. With all the lit lunacy these days, how’s an author going to keep it all straight?
There’s not room enough in this article to go into all the details of how to distinguish one lit from another. For now, we’ll focus on Mom-Lit, which is a genre I happen to know a little about, thanks to my first novel, SAHM I Am.
Like chick-lit, mom-lit features a sassy, strong heroine that tends to have a witty, sarcastic voice. It focuses on the experience of being a mom, usually of children who are still dependents at home. This is what makes it different from Hen Lit, which focuses on the experience of being a woman in her 40’s-50’s with adult children, or the process of emptying the nest.
Mom-lit is not so much about the interaction between mother and child, though that does come into play. It is more about the mom as a woman—her self-image, how she views her experiences, her friendships, her marriage, and the struggles she faces in her role as mother, wife, friend, worker, etc. Because of the deep emotions that surface during the parenting years—feelings of inadequacy, guilt, overwhelming love, anger, hopes, protectiveness, etc.—Mom-lit tends to have a more introspective, poignant edge to it than most Chick-lit. Some of it employs rather dark, almost bitter, humor and can send a downright depressing message.
Not all Mom-lit is dark, however, nor should it be. Books like Diary of a Mad Mom-To-Be, or my own novel about stay-at-home moms, are hilarious and light-hearted. Really, both kinds of Mom-lit are needed. The darker humor and sarcastic edge of a book like I Don’t Know How She Does It (one of the first mom-lit novels) speak to the reality of many mothers’ experiences and their feelings of guilt and even despair. The greatest percentage of depression occurs in mothers of young children. Reading a mom-lit novel is like having a friend sit down next to you and put her arms around your shoulders and say, “I totally understand! And it’s okay to feel the way you do!” A mom-lit novel can even say the things that many moms are thinking, but afraid to put into words.
But moms need to laugh, too. This is where the lighter-hearted mom-lit novels are so wonderfully therapeutic. Not only do they portray the experiences common to many moms, but they allow mothers to laugh at all the horribly funny things that happen to women during their journey of motherhood. A gal might not feel okay about laughing at their best friend’s mishap, but it’s perfectly acceptable to laugh as hard as they want at a fictional character. And the feeling of “I am not alone” is a powerful antidote to the depression many women struggle with.
So how do you write mom-lit?
- Use your own experiences. Sorry, but if you haven’t been a mom, it’s going to be extremely difficult to write mom-lit that will feel authentic. You not only need to take inventory of your own experiences of being a mother, but you need to have the courage to hone in on those experiences and emotions that are the most painful or the most formative in your life. For my book SAHM I Am, I had to confront the voice in my head that was constantly telling me I’m not being a good enough mom, that if I really love my kids I’d be doing such-and-such, that I’m being selfish for pursuing my dreams, blah, blah, blah. I used that voice, and made it into a character, actually. And then I let my other characters react to that voice. I made them say and feel all the things that were in me, and in my mommy friends—things that weren’t “okay” to express.
- Be honest. A mom-lit novel is not the place for Mother’s Day propaganda. Please, no “I just LOVE being a mother!” and “Motherhood is the highest calling and most important job a woman can have!” That’s not Mom-lit. It’s tripe, and the world does not need any more of it. We all know that there are many joys about being a mom, and we know the immense value of motherhood. But a Mom-lit novel is a place for letting women admit that there are many days when mommy-hood is the toughest, roughest, most thankless, annoying, and frustrating job that any human being could ever attempt. And there are days when we’d just like to quit. Mom-lit acknowledges and validates those emotions, and then gives us enough good feelings to decide that maybe we can hang in there another day or two. Authenticity and total honesty are key to a successful Mom-lit story.
- Voice is everything. As in all things “lit,” mom-lit relies on that strong, sassy, sarcastic, witty, and slightly frazzled heroine’s voice to carry the story. First person point of view is ideal for this because it carries a level of intimacy that third person cannot do as well. A strong mom-lit voice weaves editorial comments into the narrative, providing a place to say all those things you’ve always wanted to say, but were too kind and polite. The best way to get a handle on the mom-lit voice is to read as much of it as you can. A great inventory can be found at chicklitbooks.com, under the Mom Lit section and the Christian Lit section.
- Use humor that strikes deep. I was very intimidated at first by the idea of trying to write humor. I don’t see myself as a comedian or even particularly funny. But I found that I needed to take experiences and emotions from my own life, or fears that I had, or the experiences of my friends and identify the key factor that made that experience or emotion important. Then I would exaggerate the situation a little bit and include character reactions that range from slapstick to sarcastic to downright biting. The humor rises from the reader’s recognition that similar things have happened to them or people they know.
For example, in my book, my main character Dulcie has a day where everything seems to be going wrong, culminating with her pastor’s wife asking her publicly if she was pregnant. This happened to me—though the question didn’t come from a pastor’s wife. At the time, it was not funny. But I identified the primary outcome from that experience—my very shattered self-image. By slightly exaggerating the situation and through Dulcie’s reaction, I turned what was a very painful experience into a funny one. The best humor makes people laugh because it’s rooted in truth.
- Relationships make it memorable. Mom-lit is ultimately about relationships. The reader feels a relational connection with the characters because the characters have the sort of friendships we all wish we could have. There will always be characters who don’t get along well, and sometimes even out-and-out villains. But even the villains need to be real flesh-and-blood humans with whom the reader can somewhat sympathize. The interplay between the characters is what makes Mom-lit so fun to read. It’s really not about the kids. It’s about the mom and her friends. If your mom-lit manuscript is focused on the mother’s daily routine with her children, or if your mom character is isolated from other adults (unless that’s part of the conflict, where she is searching for friendships), then it will feel flat and dissatisfying. Even supporting characters need to be fresh, unique, and have distinct voices and story arcs. Mom-lit, like the other lit genres, usually has somewhat of an ensemble cast, where each character contributes her own flavor to the overall taste of the book.
I can’t emphasize enough the importance of reading a LOT of mom lit if you want to write it. The genre is growing all the time, and there are many terrific stories to choose from. I am excited about this growth because mothers really need stories that are about them, that will provide empathy and support, laughter and encouragement. These are not books that provide many answers. They do, however, provide understanding. That makes Mom-lit a genre well worth pursuing.
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