A SAHM I Am... And So Much More
By Meredith Efken

In my book, SAHM I Am, I tell the fictional story of five stay-at-home mothers who are friends through an email discussion group. Many of their issues and conflicts are drawn from my own life and the lives of other SAHMs that I know. One of the toughest things to deal with as a stay-at-home mom (or a stay-at-home dad) is the sense that all you’re doing is “marking time.”

Those of you who were in marching band in high school or college know what I’m talking about. When you “mark time,” you stand at attention, instrument in hand, and lift your heels to march in place to the drum line’s cadence. You go nowhere, you play nothing. You are simply marking time. You have the ability and the desire to use your talents and skills in the marching band. You know the marching routine. But you must wait until the drum major gives the command. Can you imagine if the drum major made you mark time for 20 minutes?

For many stay-at-home parents, it feels as if we must mark time for not merely 20 minutes, but for 20 years or more. We have dreams and talents and desires, but all those are often put on hold while we care for our children. If you’ve ever felt like your days have become nothing more than feeding babies, changing diapers, housework, and discipline, you are not alone.

Many of my friends tell me “I’d love to write” or “I want to teach art classes” or “Someday I hope to finish my degree.” But it’s hard when their children are little because they demand so much time. Yet, what happens inside when those dreams go unfulfilled year after year? Depression, boredom, a sense of discontent, even hopelessness—sound familiar?

Our culture, especially for those of us in the Christian sub-culture, gives the impression that a “good” mother is one who is 100% devoted to fulfilling the needs of her children every second of every day. A “good” mother has a well-organized, clean house, and well-behaved children. In many ways, we are still trying to make the June Cleaver myth a reality, even 60 years after that time period. And for fathers who opt to stay home, the culture tells them they are giving up their masculinity and being slackers for not “working.”

These negative messages basically boil down to one lie: that we humans are single-faceted creatures who are what we do. So if you want to be a “good” mom, you must do nothing else but be the perfect mother. If you want to be a “real” man, you must have a “real” career.

This is not true! You are so much more than one role. As a Christian, I believe that God created each one of us with dreams, talents, and gifts and has given each person a special purpose in life that no one else can ever fill. As long as we try to live up to a myth, a cultural lie, then we will not be able to reach this purpose.

I am glad I made the choice to be a stay-at-home mom. My children really are important and I love them intensely. But I don’t do them any favors by making them the center of my world. I need to be the entire person I’ve been created to be. And so do you. In a series of articles, I will address ways that any parent, stay-at-home or not, can nurture and develop all the wonderful things that have been planted in them.

About Meredith Efken:
Two daughters, a great husband, a fixer-upper Victorian home, and novels that make you laugh and feel like someone finally understands you—that’s Meredith. She is a student in the Vineyard Leadership Institute, a member of Christians for Biblical Equality, and has a Bachelor of Science in Education. Her debut novel, SAHM I Am, a comedy about stay-at-home mothers, is available in bookstores as of November, 2005.

Visit Meredith’s Website

This article is copyright 2005 by Meredith Efken.
Feel free to link to it or tell your friends about it, but do not repost without permission. Contact Meredith here.

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